Hip Hop's not the problem, and blaming it is not the answer
The problem is a culture that demonizes and “others” the feminine, the unusual, the messy, the ugly, and the downtrodden. The problem is preaching “equality” for LGBT people while placing blame for homophobia on “the other guys.” The problem is placating our guilty consciences with a fuzzy panacea when really there is hard, everyday work to be done.
I don’t think it’s fair to be mad at someone who’s clearly not running the same version of the “Being Human” OS as you are. You clearly haven’t upgraded and I’m not sure you have the proper system requirements upstairs to handle it. But that’s OK! To you, Juan Pablo, I offer this olive branch, this rose. I’m going to try and explain the fuckery of your dumb comments concerning a same-sex version of the great American pastime The Bachelor.*** I’m going to use words you’ll be sure to understand, because many of them are your own dumb words! There’s even a picture below if you get bored. Try your best to read on, I’ll be here to sound out any of the tough words:
Obviously people have their husband and wife and kids and that is how we are brought up. Now there is single fathers having kids and all that, and it is hard for me to understand that too in the sense of a household having peoples… Two parents sleeping in the same bed and the kid going into bed… It is confusing in a sense. Very confusing! It make my brain hurt! What happens when we are asleep? I almost never remember where I went during sleep time, when I wake up in the morning. It’s like, it is dark when I close my eyes, and then when I open them it is light! It is confusing, but I respect time for moving on.
And there’s this thing about straight people that uh, it’s seems to me, and I don’t know if I’m mistaken or not but man, I mean I have a lot of friends like that, but they’re more pervert in a sense? Like for instance some of them go on group dates with 25 women, all at once? I mean I don’t think it is a good example for kids to watch that on TV.
So it is a scale… Where do you put it on the scale? Where is the thin line to cross or not? To speak or not to speak? Or maybe it is a graph. Maybe that would help you. I have made a helpful graph to demonstrate when you should or should not open your mouth to comment on current issues. If it helps, think of the x axis as “having abs.”
Does that help at all? You clearly land somewhere on that graph between “soldier from 300" and "Zayn Malik’s cousin," so we can safely assume you should shut up. We don’t need your opinion! There are plenty of people who read books without pictures who are happy to sort out the issues in the public square. You’re free to go do a crunch and date 25 ladies at once.
Hope this helped! Best of luck to your daughter.
***To be clear, no one is asking for an LGBT version of The Bachelor/(-ette). Y’all can keep that weird watered-down Flavor of Love to yourselves.
This week I swiped left on a Tinder picture that was just a dick pic. Like dude, how did you even do that? Did you sign up for Facebook just for Tinder and then only uploaded a picture of your dongle? You’re 37. Did you just make that picture your profile pic? Your mom can see that, buddy. Get it together.
I’m just imagining a scenario in which a a suburbs mom falls in love with “Pretty Hurts,” and then buys the whole album, then gets into the deep cuts and pretty soon is demanding better, more fulfilling sex for herself from her Friday night karaoke hook-ups, and on Saturday morning is looking into the work of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie at Barnes & Noble.